It's funny; I had considered writing a blog--sort of like my earlier posting on religion--documenting the memories of my Jehovah's Witness childhood in a humorous way. A couple of weeks later I find this book and discover that it's been done for me!
This book couldn't have described my childhood more perfectly if I'd written it myself, apart from some of the specific details from age 17 on (Kyria struggled to get out of a loveless teenage marriage; I came out of the closet and left my hometown for a few years to gain enough strength to deal with the mountain of JW literature my family was showering me with). I was laughing out loud as I read so many of the EXACT phrases I was taught to use as arguments for the various JW beliefs, from not celebrating holidays to avoiding questionable music and television shows.
And the Smurfs... I had forgotten about my Smurf deprivation. All my friends laughed because I had to avoid--of all things--servants of Satan who were masquerading as adorable blue cartoon creatures. My brother and I were even forbidden to watch "Scooby Doo," despite our impassioned arguments that the ghosts on "Scooby Doo" weren't REAL ghosts, but only a crotchety old man running around in a Halloween mask. (Thinking of it that way, you'd think JW parents would steer clear of "Scooby Doo" because it features creepy potential sexual predators, rather than the whole ghost argument.)
(Every Jehovah's Witness's worst nightmare: a giant Smurf attacking crowds of children whose parents were lax in their home cartoon monitoring.)
(Every Jehovah's Witness's worst nightmare: a giant Smurf attacking crowds of children whose parents were lax in their home cartoon monitoring.)
The book was humorous, as I got to look back at the arguments, the beliefs--even the Kingdom Hall decor (which I'd forgotten about!) through the eyes of an adult. I couldn't help but feel some bitterness, though, as it also reminded me of the lingering results so many experience from this sort of religious upbringing--the anxiety/depression, social ineptitude, lack of education and general lack of preparation for the real world. I was an honor roll student who was taking college prep courses for no reason other than I was smart enough to take them and do well. I wasn't really being "prepped" for anything except going door-to-door hawking fundamentalist literature. I won't even begin discussing the years of anxiety attacks that it took forever to get under control.
Despite it all, I'm a (mostly) well-adjusted adult (the adult part is up for debate, depending on whether or not I'm in the middle of an XBox zombie-shooting session at the moment) with a college degree in English literature. It was a long road to get here, however, and I do battle feelings of resentment over that. And THEN I go all Eckhart Tolle, take a deep breath and let it go...
Despite it all, I'm a (mostly) well-adjusted adult (the adult part is up for debate, depending on whether or not I'm in the middle of an XBox zombie-shooting session at the moment) with a college degree in English literature. It was a long road to get here, however, and I do battle feelings of resentment over that. And THEN I go all Eckhart Tolle, take a deep breath and let it go...
I remember when it first occurred to me that I had spent a large portion of my childhood as a member of a cult. My wife and I were watching interviews with the women of the FLDS church, shortly after the raid in Texas. My wife commented on how she couldn't understand how anyone would just swallow the things that these women were taught without questioning them. Meanwhile, I could perfectly understand why these women simply accepted such absurd beliefs without questioning a thing. To question is wrong, I told her, because it opens you up to evil, outside influences. So many of the things these women said echoed the type of rhetoric I was taught growing up--I was stunned.
So here I am as an adult. My "I Was a Childhood Cult Member" blog has been rendered unnecessary. Truthfully, I'm glad I got the benefit of reading my story without having to relive it enough to write it. It was just as therapeutic without being overwhelming. I still feel the old anxiety creeping around the edges when I start thinking about it all. I guess you don't go through that sort of brainwashing for half of your life without it leaving some traces. That's why it's important that people share their stories. Get out the real truth, you guys. Get out the info, the dirt, the facts, the real content without the fundamentalist shine--we've got some brainwashing to undo.
12 comments:
I totally don't mind--link away! Thanks for sharing your story and allowing the rest of us to laugh at something that's the farthest thing from funny when you're actually living it.
i too just finished Kyria's book, and I also found it to tell my story word for word, up until about the age of twelve, since I was put in a girls home for not wanting to go to the meetings since I witnessed Witness' doing all the things they preached on stage not to do. I KNEW at a very young age that they could not and would not be my role models, since all the older ones I knew all were living double lives- which is one of the reasons I am who I am today- so I have to thank them all for it, even though it cost me my family. sorry for the super run on sentence!
Daydreams,
I totally hear you about the whole double life thing. As I mentioned in an earlier post regarding religion, one of my grandfathers was an uber-Witness whom I later found out had engaged in acts of pedophilia (although not with me, thankfully). To what extent the elders knew about his behavior, I don't know.
My family never did the JW "shunning" thing as they have grown rather lenient in what beliefs they still hold on to. I still have a relationship with my mom, although I don't share her religious beliefs.
As for the family members who were/are terrible people, years ago, I made the decision to start "shunning" them. (What up, Bethel? JWs aren't the only ones who can shun, yo!) From what I've been told, my grandfather still attends the Kingdom Hall to this day. JW religion does not a good person make, huh?
I'd have to say that I really respect most of the ExJW'S that are my friends, but some are pure trash when they were in and now that they are out. I feel like I've become a type of role model for some since I'm a happy productive part of society and that is all they wanted to know that was possible. One thing we will share with each other is the fact we all have been shunned by our families and childhood friends. Something no one else could possibly understand.
I was an outcast in my school from Kindergarden to 3 grade before I changed schools, and my first week of school in Kindergarden I was almost expelled. I was told not to ever talk about my religion again, and had a meeting with my parents. I basically sent all the kids home crying because I told them their parents don't love them, that santa was a lie and so on and so forth. They were going to die and be forgotten, but they weren't going to hell, and that's good, since they didn't love Jehovah. I was mortified that everyone hated me and it ruined my childhood. I don't think people understand how important it is for a child to be a child and be innocent as long as possible. I was FORCED to lie after I changed schools so I would have some kind of normal friendships, but even then, all my friends from school always asked me to do things, but I ALWAYS said I couldn't.
Reading the passage from Kyria's book about going to a vocation school in High school, made me laugh, because I DID! I went through HS and became a hairdresser! lol That was 17 years ago, and its been what I've done to prove my parents wrong about life in the world. My mom especially has always told me when I moved out( after coming back from the girls home) that I would be a prostitute, not welcome back in her house, and all those nice wonderful things you want to hear from a parent about starting your life at 18. So I've done everything it took for me to NEVER EVER EVER have to ask her for anything need any help and even do better than her!
So I think that each person can tell their own story and come out on top, but they have to learn not to become self obsessed and have a woe as me attitude, because I LOVE the person I am today, and I wouldn't be me if I had gone through anything different! It SUCK ASS at the time, but right now, I'm the happiest person I know, with out their family to back them that is...lol
Unlike the rest of you who commented here I did not grow up as one of Jehovah's Witnesses, I was baptized when I was 21, (trying to escape a girl I loved)but I could absolutely relate to much of what Kyria Abrahams wrote in her book. I got married at 23 to a ministerial servant who was a closeted homosexual from a violent home, (a happy marriage it did not make). It took 8 years of watching him take out his frustrations on our son through physical abuse to wake up (by this time I as married for 12 years) and when I did, I told him that I was prepared to leave him with the children. He promptly reported me to the elders for being a lesbian (because I had gotten in touch with uh huh that same girl I was trying to escape although we had not spoken to each other in 12 years) and he told my parents and anyone else who was listening that I was going to leave him for a woman. I was disfellowshipped and he retained all his priveleges despite the elders' knowledge of his violent rages. I guess a violent closeted homosexual does a Witness make!
Although my younger son lives with me, my older one prefers to stay with his abusive father as he feels the need to shun me, being the scary apostate mother that I am. I work with two witness one who shuns and one who speaks to me when it is profitable for her, but I also subscribe to the shunning philiosphy. Like Kyria I discovered that the same worldly people who I was taught to steer clear of were the same ones who saved me from insanity and helped me when my own "brothers" beat me down. I will always be grateful to them.
I teach my younger son tolerance and to have an open mind. He is the most progressive person I know and he is four years old. When I told him that my girlfriend cannot be his daddy (that's what he calls her) because she is a girl, he told me "oh yes girls can be daddies too, I know cuz I have one." He had me saying "of course they can." Then I say to myself in my very few quiet moments that that's the kind of child I want to raise, dammit that's the kind of child I am raising!
Life is it's own brand of smelling salts. I pity the JWs who do not have the courage to leave.
Joanne,
I'm sorry about the current lack of relationship with your older son. Maybe one day, he too will come to the same realization you have reached about the JW "religion" and he'll have his mom there to help him through it.
It causes immense anxiety to leave a religion that has convinced you that you are doomed if you leave. Losing contact with loved ones while going through this process is even worse.
I've been lucky in that my mom doesn't subscribe to the whole "shunning" thing. In fact, she'd be disfellowshipped herself if she were still an uber-JW, since she is divorced, remarried, tattooed, and so forth. She still makes comments about Armageddon and the New System, etc. It took a long time before the mention of such things didn't send a bolt of panic through my body. I have learned that, as with most JWs, it's no good arguing with her about her beliefs. (I also don't know how the divorce, remarriage, tattoo and contact with her gay daughter fit in with those beliefs...) I wish she could believe differently, but I'm glad she's still a part of my life.
Your 4-year-old sounds like a really cool little guy. It sounds like you have found some form of peace. I hope that someday, both of your kids can be part of that with you!
I downloaded your book on a torrent site!
Well I read it, and it is great!
I am trapped in the Jehovahcrap, as my family and wife are all in it, and I go to please them, and out on field circus too!
I am constantly apostacising and grinding away at their "faith".
I thought I had my wife sorted, but no, she keeps on bouncing back to it!
Better post this anonymously, as I don't want to get done for pirating too!
I pirated the book, as I couldn't be seen with it in my hand!
Please forgive me!
Great laugh though. The ending was a bit sudden and "non-descript" though, not a lot of closure.
Hey, what are Smurfs?
Never heard of them!
Mind you they never took off outside the US or did they, so I read?
To "Anonymous,"
"I'm Perfect" isn't my book, it was written by the very funny and talented Kyria Abrahams. You'll have to take up the pirating issue with her; I think she may have a PayPal donation button on her blog that you can use as restitution for your crime.
I'm glad you enjoyed it, though--I did, too, which is why I wanted to spread the worldy, worldly word!
I just finished Kyria's book and just like many of you, found it almost spooky as it described my childhood. Even the experiences that she wrote about hearing about from the society were the same. Although, it wasn't the smurfs for me, it was care bears(of all things)lol. But it was the more adult aspects of the book that were really compelling. I was stuck in a very bad and abusive marriage . Only my husband wasnt just a garden variety jerk, he was mentally ill. I got the same advice...to stay and set a good example and eventually Jehovah would move him to the truth. That never happened. In February of 2004 he blew his head off with a shotgun in my bathroom. The police said he had a bullet laid out for me and each of our 3 children. You can't love away mental illness and there is no example you can set that is good enough to cure a chemical imbalance disorder. The doctrine of staying with your spouse except on the grounds of adultery is not only emotionally damaging but can have deadly consequences. And still... I have that fear in the back of my mind..What if I turned my back on salvation...what if I've damned my children to die at armageddon because I have no faith?? Anyway, it's nice to know I'm not the only one with questions. I simply loved this book.
Wow...a former JW friend turned me on to Kyria's book, and that led me to your blog. I applaud you and Kyria for sharing what your JW experiences were. I was lucky not to be born into "The TRUTH;" I only did a bit more than 'Two Years Before the Mast' (forgive the literary allusion to a book I read as a young boy)...from age 10 - 12, when I bailed on the whole project...the one where I was trying to be the best little JW on the planet. My escape was the result of a epiphany I had about how I was just trying to get approval from my mom, who was incapable of happiness...and who was drawn to JW's because it supported her conviction that: "Life's a bitch; then you die!" JW's gave her the most pathetic kind of 'hope' there is - that SOME day, if you're perfect enough, You Too will get to live in Heaven on Earth!
I'd mostly not thought in years about the effects of being in JW on the rest of my life, and yours and Kyria's writings have give me much food for thought.
While you guys are a lot younger than me, I can still relate to all the tales of crazy thinking that so characterizes the people slavishly following a teaching that brooks NO dissent...I went through the whole 'shunning' thing too, which was pretty sobering to the 12 y.o. I was...
I have a sister who was a casualty of JW teachings, because trying to be perfect triggered a psychotic break in her when she was 18 that she still hasn't recovered from...Kyria's story of how her mom took her to psychologists and then refuted anything they said that disagreed with her - reminds me how my mom used to take my (obviously seriously disturbed) sister to see a shrink, then told her "Don't pay any attention to what he says..."
Thanks to both you and Kyria for sharing yourselves so honestly and vulnerably.
Sandy Mitchell
Looks like there is no end of praise for Kyria's book, but I am compelled to add my own. I was a JW from the age of 5 until reaching the ripe old age of 29. I met a JW in my congregation and married her in 1974 (after a very short courtship) because the world was going to end in 1975 anyway. So what's the worst that could happen? One or both of us would die; or one or both of us would live thru Armageddon... and if we both made it, we would be PERFECT and without a care in the world. Except for which house to live in and who was going to provide the electricity and water and natural gas. What a surprise to wake up on January 1, 1976 - without seeing all the smoke and fire and the promised death and destruction of the "evil" worldlies. Kyria's book is totally enjoyable and accurate in every detail. I plan to share it with my daughter, who was born in 1977 and raised by her crazy JW mom, until my little girl figured out why I had to leave "the truth." She is now married to a great guy and they attend a real church and have a lovely life. Thanks so much Kyria! And, how the heck do you pronounce your name??? (Not the Abrahams part.. the Kyria part!)
Just goes to show you the healing power of laughter. I've read comments from people who have been through a variety of experiences--some way more traumatic than others--and all have found some degree of relief through being able to laugh at the JW experience.
There is a Facebook group for Kyria's book:
https://www.facebook.com/groups/64879220692/
It's an excellent community for laughs, debate and support.
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